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Do you and your partner validate each other regularly? If not, why not? If you are looking for validation (who isn’t?) then you might want to take some time to explore what is missing in that sphere. When it comes to sex with strangers, the truth is our fantasies are often more exciting than reality. In fact, most people I work with report that sex with that cute stranger is ultimately disappointing but the chase and knowing that he finds you attractive is delicious. We may tell ourselves that we are looking for hot sex but more commonly we are looking for validation. If you find yourself secretly looking for sex outside of your monogamous relationship it is important for you to understand why.
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You can read more about it in my June 2012 article entitled “ How to Talk About the Tough Issues“. The art of resolving conflict is an essential relationship skill. Ignoring your sex life for years often leads to trouble and crisis in a relationship. If on the surface you and your partner get along well but have stopped having sex, then it may be time to look deeper to discover what is blocking this important expression of intimacy. Nothing kills a sex life faster than feeling annoyed or angry with your partner. I believe the number one reason couples stop having sex is due to resentments that have built up over the years that have not been worked through. It becomes intimate when your partner knows that you are engaging in a fantasy together.įor more inspiration you might consider taking a couples workshop at the Body Electric School (It is a respected organization that offers powerful erotic education workshops. Consider this: it can actually be very intimate to share your fantasies with your mate.
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Perhaps you may be thinking that it is distancing or unromantic to think about someone else when you are having sex with the man you love. It’s no secret that newness is a turn-on for most people, so why deny it? Fantasy takes the familiar and makes it fresh and exciting again. You and your partner can create the experience of something new by pretending that your partner is someone else. To add variety to your sex life together, consider accessing your creativity or your bravery and start exploring some of your private sexual fantasies together.
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Doing something the same way over and over again can make anything dull. Over time, sex with your partner can become boring. The best topic for conversation? Simply tell each other what you like. For best results give the conversation a spirit of playfulness and flirtation rather than criticism.Īfter all, the whole purpose of sex is to have fun. For many couples it is safer to talk about sex with your clothes on. Sex for gay men – as well as for everyone else – can be doused with a heavy serving of shame which can make it embarrassing to discuss. In reality, like all aspects of a relationship, it gets much better if we talk about it.įor some couples this is difficult. Perhaps we learn from the movies that good sex should just happen immediately and automatically, with lots of passionate bumping into tables and knocking pictures off walls. If you are interested in maintaining a long term monogamous relationship, here are four tips to help you along the way: Talk About Sex The reality, according to good research, is that hundreds of thousands of gay men in long term relationships are enjoying sexually satisfying monogamous relationships. There’s a widespread myth that gay men can’t, won’t, or don’t maintain long term monogamous LGBTQ relationships.